What do I want to do with my one wild and precious life? I want to make the most of it, lie on my deathbed and reminisce with minimal regrets...but between that bed and now I'm realising there is more time than I initially considered.
Do you feel like you're here to make a difference, but you're not quite there with what the 'difference' is yet? Do you feel like you should have a plan or a goal, but this keeps shifting or at some point doesn't feel as authentic as it first did?
Me too...I can while away hours, reading blogs, watching videos, searching for inspiration as to what my unique talent is. I get fleeting glimpses of something but then it's gone, slipped through my fingers like I'm grasping at water flowing down a river.
Through this searching I'm aware I'm spending more time on my own, I love the spaces in our beautiful house, reading, relaxing, exploring new challenging areas that selfishly only involve me. I definitely get pangs of fear, where I realise I am not who I used to be... am I making the most of my time and is this where I really want to be? If life is about experiences and emotions why am I not surrounding myself with them at every waking moment. I'm standing in the eye of my own storm, seeing what 'was' flashing past me, close enough to grasp and get sucked back into...but for some reason my hand is not reaching out. I'm waiting out this storm, it doesn't work for me anymore...I'm becoming aware that acceptance is one step on a ladder that seems to stretch way past the clouds. I am who I am because of who I was, this doesn't need to define who I will be.
'The trouble is, you think you have time' I used to constantly come back to this quote using it to justify why my life should be so chaotic, this may have been due to losing a few people close to me that lead me to seeing life as fleeting. But we do have time, it's the perspective you put on it that determines how you stretch it out... take it, relish it, live in it and learn in it, it's going to pass regardless. But don't push it, our development lies in the success and failure of each step made towards a marked destination, think those steps through, as you do have time, as much as you need.
It's always been easier to follow a crowd - society, but that seems to be a path that I have worn well. There's always other routes, another direction, a different choice... I have only just noticed the lights that twinkle on those paths.